A few months back I spent a long weekend with a friend of mine where every single thing I did got on her nerves. I hung up a towel "wrong", I put the toilet paper roll on "backwards", I sprayed too much pam on a fry pan, and I almost ruined a bag of microwave popcorn by letting it pop 5 seconds longer than what was in her comfort zone. By the end of the weekend we both couldn't wait to get away from each other. I knew what it was. She had a severe case of "Single-itis". She was so used to being on her own, doing her own thing, running her own household that she didn't know how to deal with me and my habits. I remember thinking she must be more anal than I am and that's OOOOOKAY... but how awesome it was to be me. So chill and relaxed...
Or so I thought...
Here I am, months later, shacked up with my fiancé and I'm suddenly the "No! Not like that!" monster. I cringe when he pours coffee into the reusable filter that I keep in the cupboard even though I hate the way it brews coffee. I supervise him as he puts plates, bowls, and wine glasses into our dishwasher to make sure he puts them in the "right" way. If he leaves milk on the counter I swoop in with a frustrated and blatant sigh before putting it back in the fridge. I am worse than my friend. I am passive aggressive, too! Looks like I caught me some "Single-itis".
Before meeting my fiancé, my longest relationship was only a few months long. I was the stereotypical single New Yorker. For the past 8 years I lived completely alone. And 8 years is a looooooooooong time. Long enough for me to develop some pretty quirky habits. The worst part about it is that they aren't easy to shake. They've become a part of my daily life. I've always hated when someone tells you, "I'm just set in my ways." Ick. And here I am... living it. I'm that person.
In my defense, there are a few things he needs to work on. Like putting his nose hair trimmers anywhere but in our utensil drawer. However, I know I need to take responsibility, too. I need to loosen up. I need to be flexible. I need to... (!)gasp(!) compromise. I want to be okay with how he does things. I want to make room for him and his habits. Better yet, I want us to create our own habits.
I know there is a cure for "Single-itis". It's not like there's a relationship Z-pack and all symptoms are gone in 3 days. But I have faith that with enough effort and determination I'll get through this. It helps when I think back to my single life. How lonely I was. How all I wanted was to find the right guy. And now he's here. Why would I want to hang onto those old habits? I don't want that life back. I don't want to be the same person I was back then. I'm a better person now thanks to him.
So what if he steals my towel every morning? He's the one who does the laundry. So what if he untucks the sheets that I like tucked in? He likes to snuggle and keeps me warm anyway. So what if he leaves a pesto covered cutting board in the sink for two days? I never made myself homemade pesto. Ever.
Looks like I'm making progress already.
